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No, splitting the bill doesn’t make you a feminist

Nat Smith
3 min readOct 9, 2021

Men make more than women, but only expect to pay half for everything. Why do they think that’s “progressive?”

Seattle—a city of tech bros and wealth inequality.

I’ve spent most of my life in poverty. Until the last few years, I consistently grew my debt and often experienced housing or food insecurity. I came out as genderfluid five years ago, but I was assigned female at birth and have been affected by misogyny—including the wage gap—throughout my life.

When I date men, I’m almost always the one who earns less, sometimes by a factor of five or more. This doesn’t mean I’ve only dated rich people; if anything, it highlights the laughably low income I’ve survived on at times.

Over the years, I’ve found that “feminist” men rarely consider the potential impact of these income gaps. White men in particular tend to come from an entitled perspective. They often have deep-seated fears that they’ll be “used” for their money, and can be incredibly sensitive to paying more than what they feel is their share of dinners, tickets, and travel expenses. More often than not, these bristling undercurrents have led me to put expensive entrées I can’t afford on a credit card when I realize my naïveté in hoping they’d foot the bill.

On average, men earn more than women. However, they also have a greater wealth disparity among themselves, with men being…

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Nat Smith
Nat Smith

Written by Nat Smith

Relationship liberation: equity, integrity, community, and connection. Coach + educator for radical intimacy. Newsletter: natsmith.substack.com.

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