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Let’s lose the absolute descriptors — because they’re predicated on a strict gender binary that simply doesn’t exist.
“Gay” and “straight” are useful labels to describe sexual and romantic orientation in a general way. “I’m attracted to women” or “I’m attracted to men” can be used as shorthand to indicate the type of person you typically date.
But why do people feel compelled to clarify their sexuality by swearing up and down that they’re “100%” aligned with monosexuality?
The notion of sexual orientation is a fairly recent invention. In their book The Psychology of Sex, Meg-John Barker explores its development, and how people came to integrate the gender of the people they’re attracted to into their own identity. For most of history, this simply wasn’t a consideration. Labels can be incredibly useful: they help us find community, get clearer about what we want, and benefit from shared language. And yet they have their limitations, too.
I’m not here to rehash the tired “everyone’s a little bit bi!” debate. I simply want to challenge the way that the gender binary is so deeply baked into the concept of self. I’m genderfluid, but lots of straight people are into me. So what does that mean?
