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When people ask “What are you having?”, what they really mean is “Did your ultrasound technician see a penis on your fetus?”
But as a society we’ve collectively agreed on polite euphemisms — so instead of being clear that they’re inquiring about your baby’s genitalia, they use generic language.
We have some level of awareness that it’s impolite to ask adult strangers what their genitals look like (although trans people get this question all the time; I’m genderfluid and many people have asked me about my junk on dating apps). For some reason, lots of people deny children this basic respect.
The only people to whom an infant’s genitalia bear any relevance are their doctors, and the people changing their diapers. That’s it. The only thing others will do with that information is introduce their gender bias into the equation. They adjust their adjectives to things like “pretty” for babies with vaginas and “strong” for babies with penises. They make assumptions about what kind of toys, clothing, and activities might be appropriate for the baby.
I have a lot of “progressive” friends who still make color-coded pregnancy announcements, select obviously gendered names, and apply “boy” and “girl” labels before they’ve even met their child-to-be. And I get it. That’s a reflection…
